Last week lauri posted a nice poem on IRC.
\nWhile reading it loud I noticed how much my english sucks.
\nIt is called “The Chaos” by Gerald Nolst Trenite.
\nIIRC I first read it during my english lessons at school.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
by Gerald Nolst Trenite (1870 – 1946)<\/i>
\nDearest creature in creation
\nStudying English pronunciation,
\nI will teach you in my verse
\nSounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse
\nI will keep you, Susy, busy,
\nMake your head with heat grow dizzy.
\nTear in eye your dress you’ll tear,
\nSo shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
\nPray, console your loving poet,
\nMake my coat look new, dear, sew it!
\nJust compare heart, beard and heard,
\nDies and diet, lord and word,
\nSword and sward, retain and Britain.
\n(Mind the latter, how it’s written).
\nMade has not the sound of bade,
\nSay said, pay-paid, laid, but plaid.
\nNow I surely will not plague you
\nWith such words as vague and ague,
\nBut be careful how you speak,
\nSay break, steak, but bleak and streak.
\nPrevious, precious, fuchsia, via,
\nPipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
\nCloven, oven, how and low,
\nScript, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.
\nHear me say, devoid of trickery:
\nDaughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
\nTyphoid, measles, topsails, aisles.
\nExiles, similes, reviles.
\nWholly, holly, signal, signing.
\nThames, examining, combining
\nScholar, vicar, and cigar,
\nSolar, mica, war, and far.
\nFrom “desire”: desirable–admirable from “admire.”
\nLumber, plumber, bier, but brier.
\nChatham, brougham, renown, but known.
\nKnowledge, done, but gone and tone,
\nOne, anemone. Balmoral.
\nKitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel,
\nGertrude, German, wind, and mind.
\nScene, Melpomene, mankind,
\nTortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
\nReading, reading, heathen, heather.
\nThis phonetic labyrinth
\nGives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
\nBillet does not end like ballet;
\nBouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet;
\nBlood and flood are not like food,
\nNor is mould like should and would.
\nBanquet is not nearly parquet,
\nWhich is said to rime with “darky.”
\nViscous, Viscount, load, and broad.
\nToward, to forward, to reward.
\nAnd your pronunciation’s O.K.,
\nWhen you say correctly: croquet.
\nRounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve,
\nFriend and fiend, alive, and live,
\nLiberty, library, heave, and heaven,
\nRachel, ache, moustache, eleven,
\nWe say hallowed, but allowed,
\nPeople, leopard, towed, but vowed.
\nMark the difference, moreover,
\nBetween mover, plover, Dover,
\nLeeches, breeches, wise, precise,
\nChalice, but police, and lice.
\nCamel, constable, unstable,
\nPrinciple, disciple, label,
\nPetal, penal, and canal,
\nWait, surmise, plait, promise, pal.
\nSuit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit,
\nRime with “shirk it” and “beyond it.”
\nBut it is not hard to tell,
\nWhy it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
\nMuscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
\nTimber, climber, bullion, lion,
\nWorm and storm, chaise, chaos, and chair,
\nSenator, spectator, mayor,
\nIvy, privy, famous, clamour
\nAnd enamour rime with hammer.
\nPussy, hussy, and possess,
\nDesert, but dessert, address.
\nGolf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants.
\nHoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
\nRiver, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
\nDoll and roll and some and home.
\nStranger does not rime with anger.
\nNeither does devour with clangour.
\nSoul, but foul and gaunt but aunt.
\nFont, front, won’t, want, grand, and grant.
\nShoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger.
\nAnd then: singer, ginger, linger,
\nReal, zeal, mauve, gauze, and gauge,
\nMarriage, foliage, mirage, age.
\nQuery does not rime with very,
\nNor does fury sound like bury.
\nDost, lost, post; and doth, cloth, loth;
\nJob, Job; blossom, bosom, oath.
\nThough the difference seems little,
\nWe say actual, but victual.
\nSeat, sweat; chaste, caste.; Leigh, eight, height;
\nPut, nut; granite, and unite.
\nReefer does not rime with deafer,
\nFeoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
\nDull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
\nHint, pint, Senate, but sedate.
\nScenic, Arabic, Pacific,
\nScience, conscience, scientific,
\nTour, but our and succour, four,
\nGas, alas, and Arkansas.
\nSea, idea, guinea, area,
\nPsalm, Maria, but malaria,
\nYouth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
\nDoctrine, turpentine, marine.
\nCompare alien with Italian,
\nDandelion with battalion.
\nSally with ally, yea, ye,
\nEye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay.
\nSay aver, but ever, fever.
\nNeither, leisure, skein, receiver.
\nNever guess–it is not safe:
\nWe say calves, valves, half, but Ralph.
\nHeron, granary, canary,
\nCrevice and device, and eyrie,
\nFace but preface, but efface,
\nPhlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
\nLarge, but target, gin, give, verging,
\nOught, out, joust, and scour, but scourging,
\nEar but earn, and wear and bear
\nDo not rime with here, but ere.
\nSeven is right, but so is even,
\nHyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
\nMonkey, donkey, clerk, and jerk,
\nAsp, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
\nPronunciation–think of psyche–!
\nIs a paling, stout and spikey,
\nWon’t it make you lose your wits,
\nWriting “groats” and saying “grits”?
\nIt’s a dark abyss or tunnel,
\nStrewn with stones, like rowlock, gunwale,
\nIslington and Isle of Wight,
\nHousewife, verdict, and indict!
\nDon’t you think so, reader, rather,
\nSaying lather, bather, father?
\nFinally: which rimes with “enough”
\nThough, through, plough, cough, hough, or tough?
\nHiccough has the sound of “cup.”
\nMy advice is–give it up!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last week lauri posted a nice poem on IRC. While reading it loud I noticed how much my english sucks. It is called “The Chaos” by Gerald Nolst Trenite. IIRC I first read it during my english lessons at school.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arved.priv.at\/weblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}